Psalm 88 and Anger

In today's reading, the author of the Psalm is mad at God. He's asked God over and over for help/restoration and God has not answered. He ends up somewhat bribing God with something like, "I won't be able to praise you if I'm dead, so if you help me I can and will praise you." People in the Bible do the bribing thing kind of often.

I just realized today that I never really express my anger to God and keep it in. I guess I felt that I had no right to be angry with Him, or that it was wrong. Factually, I know it's okay, but somehow it never went from my brain to my heart. Even now, I'm struggling inwardly about this. Just another way I try to make God smaller than he is.

I think part of the reason I have a hard time with this, is because there are men in my life who I feel I can never truly express my feelings to, especially anger, without them getting angry. You learn in marriage counseling that penting things up will only lead to a blow out or worse problems later. Wouldn't the same thing apply to our relationship to God? We are his bride.

After I read the passage, I realized that I've been asking God for and about certain things, things that I believe align with His will, and nothing seems to be happening and I was MAD! I didn't go into an all out screaming session, but I let God know how I was feeling and didn't hold back. Contrary to all that I thought would happen, I feel closer to Him.

I don't think God's mad at me now or disappointed. He's much more patient and wise than I can know or understand. I know I still have growing to do in this area. Anger is something I need to deal with in multiple areas, when and when not to express it.