Time to Panic!

Last night I read Psalm 90, and verse 12 really jumped out at me, "Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." The whole psalm talks about how little our time is here on earth. How we are like grass, can be swept away as in a flood, how "we fly by". By the time I got to verse 12, I was seriously in a state of panic! I was feeling as if I'd wasted my life up until this point. Maybe I had.

I thought about all the hours I've watched TV or read books (mind you, neither of these things are wrong in themselves). I thought about all the friendships that have come and gonewithout any effort on my part to introduce them to Christ. I remembered how Jesus' name rarely passes my lips other than to thank Him for my food. I thought about all the days I could have turned off the TV or computer and told my kids how God created everything and loved them so much.

Can you see why I was in panic mode?! Our lives are SO short. It's the truth whether it feels like it or not. I knew I had to do something immediately. It was nearly midnight, so I didn't have a lot of options for the time being. It occurred to me that the only thing I could do was pray. Being a stay-at-home mom I, of course, have the opportunity to minister to my family, but I don't have a lot of opportunity to reach "the masses".

I was so relieved to remember the power of prayer. Sometimes I feel as if I'm stuck, that I can't change the world just yet. God is the One who will change the world and I have a direct line! This really was a turning point for me spiritually. You'd think I would remember something so simple, but I didn't.

My secondary revelation was about ministering to my family. My husband has certainly not achieved heavenly perfect and my kids aren't even Christians yet. There is so much kingdom work I can do here in my very home.

Back to what I started with, "Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." I want to be reminded daily how short my life is. I want that "panic" (I'm glad this isn't me talking to you in person, or there would be way too many air quotes to handle) to drive me to change my life and the lives of those around me. I want pray like I've never prayed before. I want to tell my children about Christ's love daily. I hope by reading this, you have realized that it's TIME TO PANIC!

Psalm 88 and Anger

In today's reading, the author of the Psalm is mad at God. He's asked God over and over for help/restoration and God has not answered. He ends up somewhat bribing God with something like, "I won't be able to praise you if I'm dead, so if you help me I can and will praise you." People in the Bible do the bribing thing kind of often.

I just realized today that I never really express my anger to God and keep it in. I guess I felt that I had no right to be angry with Him, or that it was wrong. Factually, I know it's okay, but somehow it never went from my brain to my heart. Even now, I'm struggling inwardly about this. Just another way I try to make God smaller than he is.

I think part of the reason I have a hard time with this, is because there are men in my life who I feel I can never truly express my feelings to, especially anger, without them getting angry. You learn in marriage counseling that penting things up will only lead to a blow out or worse problems later. Wouldn't the same thing apply to our relationship to God? We are his bride.

After I read the passage, I realized that I've been asking God for and about certain things, things that I believe align with His will, and nothing seems to be happening and I was MAD! I didn't go into an all out screaming session, but I let God know how I was feeling and didn't hold back. Contrary to all that I thought would happen, I feel closer to Him.

I don't think God's mad at me now or disappointed. He's much more patient and wise than I can know or understand. I know I still have growing to do in this area. Anger is something I need to deal with in multiple areas, when and when not to express it.